Turning shoulds into coulds

Ever had one of those days where you feel completely worn down by "shoulds"? "I should do this... I should do that..." But what you really want to do is something else altogether...

Sound familiar? It's not always easy to say no to life's demands, especially if you're in the habit of putting other people's needs before your own. But it's vital to become aware of what it is that you truly need, and to honour that truth.

So, what can you do when you feel "guilted" into doing things - feeling overwhelmed by all those things you think you "should" do? How can you make affirmative choices for yourself?

Denise Linn, in her book Soul Coaching, nails the source of this problem:

"Self-criticism is part of the shadow self. It is the part that tells you that you should do something, and then causes you to feel guilty or ashamed because you are not doing it."

Denise devised a wonderful exercise to deal with this:

Today, make a list of all the things that you SHOULD DO. Then take each item and ask yourself these questions:

1. "Who says I should?"
2. "Why should I?"

Let your mind brainstorm for a bit and see if there are any childhood memories or associations regarding this "should". Is it YOUR "should", or did it come from someone or somewhere else?

Now write the list again, and this time, change "should" for "could" and after it write: "... but I choose not to at this time."

Try this out for yourself - you'll be amazed at how empowering it is! Somehow, saying "should" automatically implies guilt - it lowers your energy just thinking about it, doesn't it? But substituting the word "could" actually raises your energy - it puts you back in control of your choices, whether or not you ultimately choose to take action right now or not.

By letting go of the weight of all those "shoulds", you liberate yourself to respond to the really important things, like honouring your own needs - and your own truth.