The Soul Connector

The Soul Connector

Reflections and tips on connecting with your soul, understanding the messages from your inner guidance, and enjoying a soul-fully rich and fabulous life...

13 August, 2007

Reflections on "The Four Agreements", pt. 4


How are you going with The Four Agreements so far? It's a real paradigm shift to not take everything personally, isn't it? But it's such an empowering approach to life!

In the Third Agreement, Ruiz takes this one step further:
"Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life." (p67)
This can be a really challenging proposition for a lot of people. If you think about it, you will realise that you make assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling - why they're acting the way they are - all the time. Everyone does it! And because you assume this inside knowledge, it takes on the flavour of truth. You think it, therefore you believe it.

Ruiz is adamant that this is source of all human suffering:
"All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally... The whole world of control between humans is about making assumptions and taking things personally. Our whole dream of hell is based on that." (p70)
But what causes this? Ruiz goes on to explain:
"The big mitote in the human mind creates a lot of chaos which causes us to misinterpret everything and misunderstand everything. We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don't perceive things the way they are... We literally dream up things in our imaginations..." (p71)
Makes sense, doesn't it? It's as if each of us has our own uniquely shaded pair of glasses on, through which we view the world. And your glasses aren't the same as my glasses, so the colours and shapes don't look exactly the same. I focus on different things from you, and some things I don't see at all!

I'm reminded of the classic Indian tale about the blind men and the elephant. There are many variations on this, but the basic premise of the story is that a group of blind men go to "see" an elephant. The first one touches the elephant's leg and says that it's like a pillar. The second one touches the side of the elephant and says it's like a wall. Another man touches the trunk and says it's like a snake. And another touches the tail and says it's like a rope. You get the idea...

The interesting thing is that they're all right, and they're all wrong. Each "sees" and makes assumptions based on inadequate information. This is something that we all do, every day. Blind or not, none of us is in a position to "see" the whole picture.

This is particularly a challenge in relationships, where you make assumptions that you and your partner think exactly the same way about something - whether that be about working hours, raising a family, saving or spending money, dividing up household chores... you know how it goes. Everyone gets to discover this the hard way!

So what can you do to change this? The solution is simple: when in doubt, ask. If you don't understand something, ask for more information. Keep your communications open and truthful. Have the courage to say what you want and give those around you the opportunity to do the same. Then you will have the full picture and you can respond from a place of truth, compassion and love. By doing this, you will transform your life and your world...

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